Canonical List of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas Variations
Version 2007.1
Part 32 of 50
January 7, 2007

Compiled by: Matthew Monroe

Archived at: http://www.alchemistmatt.com/twas/

Contains 849 versions of the classic poem, including headers from most of the posts and credits when available. The versions range from innocent and cute to vulgar and obscene, so read at your own discretion. I have collected most of these versions by searching the newsgroups using Google Groups and the now retired Deja News. I'd be happy to receive any additional versions you might have.

See the Main Index for the complete contents.

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Short Title: PetsCat1

A CAT'S CHRISTMAS

'Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
not even a mouse.

'Cuz the cat had pounced on him
and tore him apart-
Ate his mousey intestines
And chewed up his heart.

Kitty thought he heard sleighbells,
which made him take pause-
He stopped daintily lickng
the blood from his claws.

"Must be Santa" thought Kitty
(that quite clever cat)
'Cuz nobody else climbs down
the chimney like that.

Indeed it was ol' Santa,
so jolly and fat
With a load of presents
and all for the cat!

"Wow, the best Christmas ever!"
Kitty thought with a purr,
Then he coughed up a hairball
and shed some more fur.

--
Yeah, YOU might not think it's much of a poem, but then, 
you're not a cat!

AUTHORS UNKNOWN
 

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Short Title: PetsCat2

Author:   marcia
Email: marcia@hep.net
Date: 1998/11/25
Forums: rec.pets.cats.community

'Twas da night before Christmas
And all thru da house.
Not a creetchur was stirrin',
Not even dat mouse!

Mommy and Daddy was safe in deir bed
But I couldn't get da mousie outta my head!
So I went to da kitchen and looked all around,
And you wouldn't believe what I did found!

Dere on da table dere was a great site-
A glass of milk had been left in the night!
So I got up on da table and dranked it all gone
And ate half a cookie and layed down and yawned

When outside da house, their arose such a racket,
I jumped on da floor, gettin ready to attack it!
I got real low, so da monsters wouldn't see me
And puffed out my fur and hid under da tree

When what, to my big green eyes did appear,
But a great big red guy with a fuzzy white beard!
The beard swayed around and enticed me a bit
So I wiggled my butt and jumped upon on it!

The red guy was surprised and felled on da tree
"Uh-oh!" I thought. Mom and Dad will blame me!
So I ran up da stairs and I got out of site
And I didn't go down for da rest of da night.

In da morning I slowly approached Mom and Dad.
You shoulda seen da big mess that they had!
But when they seed me they just smiled and sighed.
So I head-butted Momma and purred by Dad's side.

And dis next part still bring tears to my eyes.
But Momma and Daddy had a surprise:
Da big red guy with da fuzzy white beard
Had left me a gift for bein good all year!

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Short Title: PetsCat3

Message 1 in thread 
From: Pamela O'Sullivan (posulliv@mcls.rochester.lib.ny.us)
Subject: twas the nite before 
Newsgroups: rec.pets.cats.community
Date: 2002-12-23 07:09:51 PST 
 
twas the nite before the nite before
an' all thru-out da land
kitties scurried an' hurried
toward a nite dat wud be grand.

Paco an' Charlie sent wishes
tew all dere kitty frens'
an' da antis an' da uncles
an' effun d*gs an' TEDS...

Merry, merry Kissamouse
an' a Bast-blessed noo yeer
frum ower hous tew yur hous
(an' spehsully fur Miss Moneypenny, deer.)

Sined, PacoBell
Charlie (P.S. Happy Kissamouse, my fren Miss Bootsie!)
an' Meowmie Pam


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Short Title: PetsCat4

From: Every9man (every9man@aol.com)
Subject: A Cat's Night Before Christmas 
Newsgroups: alt.true-crime
Date: 2002-12-25 00:27:54 PST 

Twas the night before Christmas
kids were tucked up in bed. 
They couldnt help thinking of 
what Mama had said. 

What was it again?
Oh, "The fog's thick as stew".
I hope that St. Nicholas
can make his way through.

Not only the children
could hear Mama's words. 
But Mittens,
curled up in the chair also heard. 

Her sharp ears
perked up, and she opened one eye.
"No Santa--no catnip"
she thought with a sigh. 

One here in the East,
Santa Claus starts his trip"
Mittens said to herself
while licking her lips.

"Why isnt he here?
His milk's getting warm
If he doesn't come soon
I will sound the alarm.

When the cuckoo clock chirped
that the time was midnight,
Mittens slid through her pet door,
knowing things were not right.

She mewed for her pal
who lived in the alley;
Old Buttons and she
must come up with a rally,

They huddled together
to make a decision,
They scampered away
to accomplish their mission.

Very soon he word spread
through cities and towns, 
From the east coast of Maine
to the Wyoming Downs,

The secret was whisssspered
from one cat to another,
From females to toms,
and from kittens to mothers.

To their watch posts they went-----
leaving comfort at home-------
From Persians in Pittsburgh
to calicoes in Nome.

On fence posts and tree limbs
on porches and roofs,
The Siamese and Persians
and Manx made their moves.

They crouched there all soundless
and gazed up at the sky,
In hopes they'd soon hear
Santa's sleigh bells on high.

In the meantime, St. Nicholas was 
getting frustrated,
From dealing with problems
This fog had created.

The sleigh had been circling
for two hours or more,
Nick attempting to see
a tall chimney or door.

When, suddenly, he saw
an incredible sight;
His fog beams reflected
some almond shaped lights, 

The cat's eyes,
like runways were easy to follow,
So Santa and reindeer 
took off like Apollo,

As he called on each home,
A cat lay in wait
To guide him along
so he wouldnt be late. 

From one to another
they purred and meowed,
Till just before dawn
Santa finished somehow!

Then two little children,
with faces aglow,
Ran out to see where
their stockings were stowed,

Passing Mittens, they said
"My how lazy you are;
"You've not moved
from this spot or at least not too far." 

But Santa knew better, 
as he soared to the skies,
Watching millions of homes
with cats snoozing inside,

"They've truly helped out
Without them I believe,
We would never have made it
on this Christmas Eve.

"So, rest easy, dear felines,
and thanks for your trouble, 
Merry Christmas to all,
may your nine lives be doubled!" 

Sue Carabine
(kinda soppy but I like it)
Barbara aka B'


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Short Title: PetsCat5

Subject: Penny the Cat's Night Before Christmas - the poem 
Newsgroups: rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
Date: 2002-12-24 15:48:10 PST 

Penny the Cat's Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, certainly no mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hope they'd be filled with good things to share;

The people were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Christmas danced in their heads;
Princess was snoozing, I napped just a little
Then settled down into my lonely night vigil,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
A man shouting and laughing as mad as a hatter.
Away to the window I pounced in a flash,
Tore open the shutters and climbed up the sash.

The moonlight revealed the wind-driven snow
And things to be chased! And places to go!
When, what should appear above the dark houses,
But a sleigh, pulled along by enormous horned mouses,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I thought to myself, "What makes this guy tick?"
More rapid than house flies his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, like one quite insane;

"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
And you others, I guess my memory needs fixin'!
To the top of the roof! And don't let me fall!
Or we'll need to make a side trip to the mall!"

Surely as I know how to make a grown man cry,
And by clawing his chair bring a tear to his eye,
So up to the house-top the mouses they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and fresh catnip too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the deck
The scamper of mice; I thought "What the heck?"
As I sharpened my claws, and was turning around,
Down the chimney this strange guy came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his toe,
Politically incorrect as fashions now go;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his shoulder,
I saw them and then I began feeling bolder.

His eyes - how they twinkled! his dimples - how funny
His cheeks were like roses, his nose a bit runny!
His droll little mouth was drawn up in smile,
He was carrying catnip I can smell it a mile;

The stump of a pipe he held tight like a charm,
I hoped that the smoke wouldn't trip the alarm;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
But the smoke from that pipe was a little too smelly.

Just then he saw me, he leaned and drew near,
And put me at ease when he scratched on my ear;
And letting me know I had nothing to dread,
He gave me a couple of pats on the head.

He spoke not a word, but dumped out the toys
And we played for a while, a night full of joys!
Then laying his finger aside of his nose,
Sneezed several times and up the chimney he rose;

And then he explained the awful truth that,
In real life he's quite allergic to cat.
He gathered himself and climbed in his sleigh
And said "For one night it was sure fun to play!"

While I settled down to my own special treat,
Made of toys and of catnip and good things to eat
I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight
"Merry Christmas to all ACHOOOOOO!! And good night!"


Dedicated to everyone who will keep the company of cats this Christmas
and to those who can't but wish that they could.
And to everyone: Merry Christmas!
(and I apologize for the bad poetry.)
--
Ron Z
Tidings of comfort and joy!


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Short Title: PetsCat6

from http://www.spring-tree.com/christmas.html

                          The Night before Catmas
                                      
                        Twas the night before Catmas
                         When all through the house
                        Not an animal was stirring,
                            Not even the mouse.
                                      
                         The kitties were snuggled
                         And tucked in their beds,
                        While visions of cat goodies
                           Danced in their heads.
                                      
                         Their stockings were hung
                        By the cat bowls with care,
                         In hope that Father Catmas
                            Soon would be there.
                                      
                             Out on the rooftop
                        There arose such a hissing,
                            I knew Father Catmas
                        Was having trouble parking.
                                      
                           I jumped on the couch,
                       Stuck my nose to the curtain.
                          "Here he is!", I purred
                         "It is him, I'm certain."
                                      
                         What to my deep blue eyes
                               Should appear,
                         But Father Catmas himself
                            In his Catsled gear.
                                      
                        He purred and he purredred,
                    But through the kitty door he went,
                      Then stopped and smelled the air
                          As he picked up a scent.
                                      
                        The cat cookies we left him
                           Were by the back door.
                         The kitties had baked them
                            Not an hour before.
                                      
                           He went about his work
                             With never a sigh,
                           Filling the stockings
                           With toys piled high.
                                      
                               He waved at me
                            With his mighty paw.
                           Although I was hiding,
                        'Twas my little nose he saw.
                                      
                         Out the kitty door he went
                             In oh such a rush,
                           Jumped on his catsled
                          And yelled out, "MUSH!"
                                      
                       The eight Maine Coon cat team
                             Were raring to go.
                          They hated 'stand stay',
                          Especially in the snow.
                                      
                          I could hear him hissing
                       As he disappeared that night,
                           "Merry Catmas to all!
                         OK team, turn rrrrright!"


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Short Title: PetsCat7

From: http://www.literary-cat.cwc.net/Twas_the_night.htm
Contributed by: Ilze Oredson
 
'Twas the Night Before Christmas
 
Twas the night before Christmas, in the sleeping cats house, 
Not a feline was stirring-for even a mouse,
Cat stockings were hung by the door with care,
In hope Santa Paws soon would be there.
 
The kittens were snuggled in mama cats bed,
With brothers and sisters curled head-to-head,
And mama cat on her quilt, and I on my mat,
Had just settled into a delicious catnap.
 
When out of the yard there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my mat to see what was the matter.
Away to the windows, I flew like a flash,
Climbed up the curtains, and pressed my nose to the glass.
 
And what in the world did my feline eyes see,
But a small golden chariot, pulled by cats just like me!
With a fluffy old driver, so white and so furry,
I knew in a moment it must be Saint Purr-y.
 
More rapid than rabbits his kitties did came,
And he yowled and meowed, calling each cat by name.
"On, Slippers, On, Sneakers, On, Bigfoot, On, Spats!
Christmas is coming, lets go gentle cats."
 
Now, White Sox, Now, Bootsie, Lets go gloves and mittens!
To the back porch we do fly! lets go cats and kittens!
So down to the catdoor, his kittens they flew,
With a catnip filled chariot-and Santa Paws too.
 
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the latch.
The paws and clawing of Santa-paws scratch,
As I sniffed for his scent and looked all around,
Through the cat door Santa-paws came with a bound.
 
His eyes how they sparkled, his whiskers, how merry!
His cheeks were like marshmallows,his pink nose like a cherry! 
His little cat mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the fur on his paws was as white as the snow.
 
He meowed not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, and turned with a jerk.
Then washing his whiskers, his ears, coat and tail,
After having a snack, out the cat door he sailed.
 
He jumped in his chariot, to his team gave a yowl,
And away they all flew, like nine cats on the prowl,
But I heard him meow, as he drove out of sight,
"Meowy Christmas to all, an to all a good night."
 
(Stefanie Samek)


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Short Title: PetsCat8

From: Rainy (pleiades_fire@hotmail.com)
Subject: The Night Before... at my house (parody of the poem) 
Newsgroups: rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
Date: 2003-12-19 07:37:04 PST 

I wrote this for my personal website http://www.rainy-day-laughter.com
and thought I'd share it here. Happy holidays, everyone.
~~

'Twas the night before Christmas and here in my house,
my kitties were chewing an old catnip mouse. 
Their food bowls were empty way back in the kitchen, 
as the hour approached they call the bewitchin'.

My puppies were snoring, asleep in their beds
(while nothing at all went on in their heads). 
My sis in her jammies and me in mine too 
had both gone to bed to have a nice snooze, 

when in our backyard a commotion arisen 
caused Nia to call out, "Those noises - what is it?"
Away in my booties and to the back door, 
I looked out in darkness but then I saw more. 

A full moon shone down on the sparkling snow, 
giving shadow and substance to all shapes below, 
when what to my half-open eyes should appear 
but a miniature sleigh with eight tiny reindeer - 

with a little old driver whose form gave me pause - 
I knew in an instant, well, there's Santa Claus!
So up to our rooftop his reindeer all flew, 
with a sleigh full of kitsch and St. Nicholas too. 

With Nia I listened as up on the roof
we heard the climp-clomping of each little hoof.
As I drew in a breath and was turning about, 
down the chimney the fat man appeared with a shout.

He was dressed all in fur, what a jolly old boy - 
but to Jax and Josiah, a plump catnip toy.
That bundle of goodies went plop on the floor
as he hobbled and fell down with my animals four. 

My cats - he was catnip! My dogs didn't like him!
(Jax sharpens his claws, and then Cimmy bites him.)
As Tasha went barking to beg him for treats, 
my Maltese (called Cimmy) mistook him for meat.

The dogs had decided he'd make a nice meal
when in flies our Stevie - the guard cockatiel!
She nipped at his nose and got in a few kicks
(our Stevie's a girl, named after Ms. Nicks).

Our cats were both growling as fur flew around
(some of it Santa's, I afterwards found.)
Our dogs, they both chased him, and the cats jumped in too -
St. Nick grabbed his goodies and went back up the flue.

He leapt on his sleigh, to his team said "Let's book!" 
And away they all flew, without a back look.
"No more to your house! It's too wild and too zoo-ish!"
That's okay, we told him - 'cause anyway, we're Jewish.

-- 
*Carol*    http://www.rainy-day-laughter.com ~ Home of Happy
Liederhosen's Hollywood, The Codfather's Punny Movies,
Your Weekly Rainyscope & even more yet. UPDATED FRIDAYS!


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Short Title: PetsChicken


From http://p072.ezboard.com/fbackyardchickensfrm15.showMessage?topicID=36.topic
 and http://bunnyhollow.org/twas2004/stchick.html

The Night Before Chick-mas

T'was the night before Christmas...and all through the coop
Not a creature was stirring, not even to poop.
The feeders were hung by the nestbox with care
In hopes that St. Chickolas, soon would be there

The henlets were nesting, all snug on their eggs
with visions of meal worms, all 'round their legs.
The chicks under mama, the roos on the roost,
(They managed to get there without e'en a boost!)

When out in the pen there arose such a squawk!
Louder than even an owl or a hawk!
Away to the bird house I flew like a quail!
Shot gun in hand for to kick me some tail!

The moon on the breast of the new-laying hens
gave a shine to the eggshells to be shared among friends
A nest upon runners showed up in the night
pulled by eight pullets, a marvelous sight!

With a big rumpless rooster in that unlikely sleigh
Proclaiming his presence by just crowing away!
As quickly as cockerels who've just spied a worm,
He chuckled and cackled and called names in turn.

"Now Henny! now Penny, Now Fluffer and Puff!
On Brownie! on Downy! on Princess and Duff!
To the top of the coop! To the top of the netting!
None faster than you, on that I am betting!"

As feathers that fly in the wintery breeze,
Aloft they did go, lofting with ease!
Up to the coop-top, the cluckers they flew,
with baskets of chick-treats, and St. Chickolas too!

Then, with an inkling of how they would go,
I heard pecking and scratching from each little toe.
As I put up the shot gun and clicked on the lock,
in through the chick-door he came with a "BAWK"

He was dressed as a Silkie, from his head to his tail.
The comb on his head left no doubt he was male!
A bag full of scratch he held in his beak,
Which he shared with the girls when they ventured a peek!

His cape how it glittered, his head held so merry!
His tail shown like snow, how proud it did carry!
His wattles hung down like a beard bright and red,
and his comb stood up straight from the top of his head!

The wisp of some hay he held tight in his beak,
and it waved in the air when his head gave a tweak!
He had a broad chest, and a round little crop,
Which he filled all the way till one thought it might pop!

He was proud and high steppin', a fabulous roo!
Clearly he'd never end up in a stew!
A dance to the side and the drop of a wing,
had hens a'swoonin', the cocky old thing!

He plucked not a feather from my sleeping hens,
just sprinkled the scratch as if making amends.
He cooed to them all, to assure all was well,
The message he left, no human could tell

He leaped to his nest-sleigh, to his pullets he clucked!
And up they did flap, as the load had been chucked.
But his head he did raise, crowing bright as a match
"MERRY CHICK-MAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD HATCH!"

--
          Lexicon of Chicken Terms

Cockerel: A young domestic rooster, not older than one year

Crop: a pouchlike enlargement of a bird's gullet in which food 
is partially digested or stored for regurgitation to nestlings

Pullet: a young domestic hen, usually one that is less than one year old

Roo: nickname for rooster

Silkie: one of the oldest of the rare breeds of poultry. Very unusual looking chickens, 
their feathers appear to look like hair, they also have black skin, bones,
five toes and feathers on their feet.

Scratch: poultry feed, usually a combination of cracked corn with other whole grains. 

Wattle: a fleshy, wrinkled, often brightly colored fold of skin hanging from the neck 
or throat, characteristic of chickens or turkeys


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Short Title: PetsDog1

From: Emma (saveastray@doglover.com)
Subject: The Night Before Dog-mas 
Newsgroups: rec.pets.dogs.rescue
Date: 2001-12-25 22:46:46 PST 
 
The Night Before Dog-mas
 By Claudine Gandolti

"Twas the night before Dog-mas when all through the pound
Not a puppy was yelping or playing around;
Our leashes were hung, by our kennels with care,
In hopes that St. Bernard would soon find us there;

Chihuahuas were curled up, all snug in their beds,
While visions of doggie treats danced in their heads;
Max in his collar, on somebody's lap,
Had tucked in his tail for a midwinter's nap,

When outside the room there arose such a clatter,
My ears perked right up to hear what was the matter.
Away to the window I jumped up with glee,
And barked at the shadows that were cast by a tree.

The glow from the moon changed night into day,
And started me thinking,"woof woof time to play!"
When, what with my puppy-dog eyes did I see,
But a splendid dog sled, led by doggies like me.

With a regal furred driver commanding, not stern.
I yelped to the others,"That must be St. Bern!"
More rapid than greyhounds our saviors they came,
And we barked and we howled, and called them by name:

"There's Duchess! There's King! Fat Chance, and bare Buffy!
On Fido!  On Scooter! On Rover and Scruffy!
Go by the red fire hydrant and run pass those trees!
Nothing can stop you, not even some fleas!"

As puppies at play chase after a stick, and race to their masters
So lively and quick, so out in the field his canines all flew,
Catching the frisbees, that St. Bernard threw.
And then in an instant I heard at the door the

Scratching and clawing of each little paw.
As I pulled in my nose, and was turning around,
Through he door St. Bernard came in with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his tail

His wood cask adorned with an icing of hail;
A bag of chew toys he had brought in with him,
And his mouth was turned up into what looked like grin.
His eyes how they twinkled! His ears flopped, how merry!

His coat shone like crystal, his nose like a cherry!
His big floppy mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the fur on his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a bone was held tight in his teeth,

And his collar encircled his neck like a wreath.
He had a large face and a furry, round belly
That bounced when he barked, like a bowl full of jelly.
He was fluffy and plump, a big cuddly, old pooch and

I laughed when I saw him and gave him a smooch.
A wink of his eye and a wag of his tail; we knew right away
We'd have homes without fail. He howled not a howl,
But went straight to his deed, and took down our leashes

That soon we would need. He opened the door,
And families stood there, with children, all smiling,
And much love to spare.  He lept to his sled,
to his team gave a call and away they all flew as if chasing a ball.

But I heard him exclaim as he chewed on a bone;
"Happy Dog-mas to all and to all a good home!"


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Short Title: PetsDog2

Submitted by: Ginni Kitchen
December 2002

Dog's Night Before Christmas
Author Unknown

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
My dogs were nestled, all snug in "MY" bed,
While visions of chewie toys danced in their heads.

I in my sweat pants and Dad in his sweater,
Had just settled down to read the Great Dog Reporter,
When up on the roof there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter!

Off to the window I flew in a flash,
Tore open the shutter and threw up the sash.
The moon on the crest of the new fallen snow
Gave a luster of midday to the objects below.

And what to my wondering eyes did appear
but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.
With a little old driver so lively and quick
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

With a sputter of ashes -- a flurry of soot,
He slid down the chimney with all of his loot.
My Dogs stood there so regal and proud,
Guarding their home with barks oh so loud.
St. Nick showed no fear and called them by name,
He knew in his heart they were gentle and tame.

He brought out his list, checking it twice.
"Well, my beauties, all year you've been very nice.
I have in my bag toys and much more,
Just tell me what you pups really long for."

My dogs talked to each other -- much to my surprise
and turned to Santa with tears in their eyes,
"We have chewies and balls and ropes to be tugged,
We are pampered and coddled and petted and hugged.
But for Christmas, dear Santa, we have but one care,
that all dogs be loved as much as we are.
We want no dog beaten, whipped or chained,
No dog abandoned, abused or maimed.
We want all dogs, no matter what size,
to see love reflected in their master's eyes."

St. Nick stopped for a moment to gather his wits,
"I have nothing to stop humans from being such twits."
All dogs are so beautiful and are such a treasure,
Living only to be loved and give humans pleasure.
This lesson I will try to teach
Then maybe your wish will be within my reach."

St. Nick leaned over and kissed each beautiful head.
"Now you gentle giants, go off to bed.
Think good thoughts and dream good dreams
Of running and jumping and playing in streams."

St. Nick turned to me, his face wet with tears.
"Be proud of your babies, they are such dears."

In an instant St. Nick disappeared in a poof,
And I heard him chuckle as he ran on the roof.
He jumped in his sleigh and to his team gave a whistle,
and off he flew like the down on a thistle.

And I heard him exclaim as the drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to All and To All Dogs a Good Life!"


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Short Title: PetsDog3

Subject:      Twas the night before Xmas
From:         "Anjie" 
Date:         1997/12/15
Message-ID:   
Newsgroups:   rec.pets.dogs.misc

  I had this sent to me email, and had to share it.
  Visit my page about grooming, training and other FAQ on dogs and cats.
  Anjie's Grooming Page Pets from A-Z
  http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Prairie/3694

Tonight's my first night as a watchdog,
And here it is Christmas Eve.
The children are sleepin' all cozy upstairs,
While I'm guardin' the stockin's and tree.

What's THAT now . . . footsteps on the rooftop?
Could it be a cat or a mouse?
Who's THIS down the chimney?
A thief with a beard - And a big sack for robbin' the house?

I'm barkin'. . . I'm growlin' . . . I'm bitin' his butt.
He howls and jumps back in his sleigh.
I scared his strange horses, they leap in the air.
I've frightened the whole bunch away.

Now the house is all peaceful and quiet again,
The stockin's are safe as can be.
Won't the kiddies be glad when they wake up tomorrow . . .
And see how I've guarded the tree.

by Shel Silverstein


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Short Title: PetsDog4

from http://magpage.com/~kdee/twas.html

'Twas The Night Before Christmas -- Dalmatian Style
                                      
   'Twas the night before Christmas
   And all through the crates
   Not a Dalmatian was stirring
   Not even for bait.
   
   The puppies were nestled
   All snug in their beds
   While visions of biscuits
   Danced in their heads
   
   The stockings were hung
   By the fireplace of stone
   In hopes they'd be filled
   With rawhide and bones
   
   Ma in her nightshirt
   And I in my robe
   Had just settled down
   By the ol' woodstove
   
   When out on the lawn
   There arose such a commotion
   I sprang from my chair
   To see why the dogs weren't in motion
   
   Away to the window
   I ran like a deer
   Tore open the shade
   To see who was here
   
   The moon on the top
   Of the new fallen snow
   Gave the luster of doghair
   To the ground below.
   
   And what do I see
   To my started exclamation
   But a miniature sleigh
   And eight spotted dalmatians.
   
   With a little 'ole handler
   So poised and so sure
   I knew in a moment
   'Twould not be a bore
   
   More rapid than beagles
   His charges they came
   And he whistled and shouted
   And called them by name
   
   Now Austin, now Blackjack
   Now Chips and Josh P
   On Morris and Fancy
   On Lace and Indy
   
   To the top of the doghouse
   To the top of the wall
   Now dash away, dash away
   Dash away all
   
   As the dry leaves that before
   A running Dalmatian fly
   Meet with an obstacle
   Mount to the sky
   
   So up to the housetop
   The coursers they flew
   With a sleigh full of choo-hooves
   And St, Nicholas too.
   
   And then in an instant
   I heard on the roof
   The scratching and digging
   Of each spotted foot.
   
   As I drew in my head
   And was turning around
   Down the chimney
   St. Nicholas came with a bound.
   
   He was dressed all in fur
   But had not a care
   For his clothes were all covered
   With black and white hair.
   
   A bundle of toys
   He had flung on his back
   And he looked like a groomer
   Just opening his pack.
   
   His eyes how they twinkled
   His dimples how merry
   His cheeks were like roses
   His nose like a cherry,
   
   His small little mouth
   Smile to greet all his pals
   And the beard on his chin
   Was as white as the dals.
   
   He had a broad little face
   And a round little tummy
   That wriggled when he laughed
   Like the tail of a puppy.
   
   He was chubby and plump
   A right jolly old boy
   The dogs barked when they saw him
   Their eyes on the toys.
   
   A wink of his eye
   And a twist of his head
   Soon told the dogs
   They had nothing to dread.
   
   He spoke not a word
   But went straight to his work.
   And filled all the stockings
   Then turned with a jerk.
   
   And with a pat to each
   Spotted dog's nose
   Giving a nod
   Up the chimney he rose.
   
   He sprang to his sleigh
   To his team gave a whistle
   And away they all flew
   Like the down of a thistle.
   
   And I heard him exclaim
   As he drove out of sight
   "Happy showing to all
   And to all a good night."
   
    Karen Darling 1993

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Short Title: PetsDog5

Author:   RoRoDanna
Email: rorodanna@aol.com
Date: 1998/11/25
Forums: alt.gossip.celebrities

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
With no thought of the dog filling their head.
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Knew he was cold, but didn't care about that.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Figuring the dog was free of his chain and into the trash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Santa Clause - with eyes full of tears.

He unchained the dog, once so lively and quick,
Last years Christmas present, now painfully thin and sick..
More rapid than eagles he called the dogs name.
And the dog ran to him, despite all his pain;

"Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONNER and BLITZEN!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Let's find this dog a home where he'll be loved by all"

I knew in an instant there would be no gifts this year,
For Santa Clause had made one thing quite clear,
The gift of a dog is not just for the season,
We had gotten the pup for all the wrong reasons.

In our haste to think of the kids a gift
There was one important thing that we missed.
A dog should be family, and cared for the same
You don't give a gift, then put it on a chain.

And I heard him exclaim as he rode out of sight,
"You weren't given a gift! You were given a life!"

AUTHOR UNKNOWN


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Short Title: PetsDog6

from http://kate.gulf.net/holidays/christmas/nightbefore.html
                                      
                               A Rescue Dog's
                               Christmas Poem
                                      
       'Tis the night before Christmas and all through the town,
       every shelter is full - we are lost but not found,
       Our numbers are hung on our kennels so bare,
       we hope every minute that someone will care,

       They'll come to adopt us and give us the call,
       "Come here, Max and Sparkie - come fetch your new ball!!
       But now we sit here and think of the days..
       we were treated so fondly - we had cute, baby ways,

       Once we were little, then we grew and we grew -
       now we're no longer young and we're no longer new.
       So out the back door we were thrown like the trash,
       they reacted so quickly - why were they so rash?

       We "jump on the children:, "don't come when they call",
       we "bark when they leave us", climb over the wall.
       We should have been neutered, we should have been spayed,
       now we suffer the consequence of the errors THEY made.

       If only they'd trained us, if only we knew...
       we'd have done what they asked us and worshiped them, too.
       We were left in the backyard, or worse -let to roam-
       now we're tired and lonely and out of a home.

       They dropped us off here and they kissed us good-bye...
       "Maybe someone else will give you a try."
       So now here we are, all confused and alone...
       in a shelter with others who long for a home.

       The kind workers come through with a meal and a pat,
       with so many to care for, they can't stay to chat,
       They move to the next kennel, giving each of us cheer...
       we know that they wonder how long we'll be here.

       We lay down to sleep and sweet dreams fill our heads..
       of a home filled with love and our own cozy beds.
       Then we wake to see sad eyes, brimming with tears --
       our friends filled with emptiness, worry, and fear.

       If you can't adopt us and there's no room at the Inn --
       could you help with the bills and fill our food bin?
       We count on your kindness each day of the year --
       can you give more than hope to everyone here?

       Please make a donation to pay for the heat...
       and help get us something special to eat.
       The shelter that cares for us wants us to live,
       and more of us will, if more people will give.

         Please support your Golden Retriever Rescue!
   
   Thanks to Ro Vinson and the Kanine Kids for posting the above poem to
   the Golden email list. Ro received it from Tucson Humane Society.


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Short Title: PetsRabbits1

Subject:      A bunnies Christmas
From:         swmalcolm@aol.com (SWMalcolm)
Date:         1997/12/23
Message-ID:   <19971223215101.QAA13050@ladder01.news.aol.com>
Newsgroups:   alt.pets.rabbits

Twas the night before Christmas, and as was their habit,
not a creature was stirring -
except for the House Rabbit!

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
and this little bunny wondered
how a person could get his big feet up there.

When out on the lawn there came such a crash! and bang! and such;
that it sounded like someone had knocked over the hutch!

Under a couch the rabbit zig-zagged, then sped straighter
because all bunnies hide first, and investigate later.

Then what to his curious eyes should appear,
but a tiny sleigh and eight little reindeer!

I hope they dont eat my hay!
The bunny said not quite aloud;
should I thump on the floor,
or just watch this crowd?

Then a little man, all dressed in red
called the deer by name, and this is what he said:

"On Dasher, On Dancer.." and there were a few more
But the bunny just found all that a bore.

Who this man was, the bunny hadnt a clue,
and how in the heck did he jump down that flue?
He had a thick beard, and a funny little hat
not to be impolite, but this guy was rather fat.

Slung over his shoulder he carried a sack,
which without a word he began to unpack.
There were gizmos and whatsits,
nothing fun for a bunny -

Then, with one small gesture, appeared
a stick of oats and honey!

The man winked his eye and nodded his head,
and the House Rabbit knew he had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went on with his duty;
now that he knew the man brought treats,
the bunny wished for something fruity.

And then the little man stopped to scratch his nose -
but he must have been part rabbit, because in a giant leap up the chimney he
rose!

He landed by his sleigh with a thud,
startling his deer (who were chewing their cud.)
And away he flew, far more quietly than before;
"this was interesting," the bunny thought, " but I hope he doesn't bother me
anymore."

Then the little bunny heard, as the sled disappeared from sight,
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT"

copyright 1997 SW Malcolm

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Short Title: PetsRabbits2

From: Pinktrixrabbit (pinktrixrabbit@aol.comnospam)
Subject: Hare Raisin Tale - By Cartman 
Newsgroups: alt.pets.rabbits
Date: 2002-12-17 13:18:54 PST 

Twas right before Christmas and what do you know
I started feeling real badly and it started to show
I got caught in a scuffle with my girlfriend Wendy
Must have rattled my insides to cause blood in my pee

The hoomin didn't notice at first, she just broke up our fight
She made us make up and then tucked us in our cage for the night
Over to Hershey's cage as she started to unlock
And then what did appear, but blood on her sock

She looked in our cage; it had blood on the floor
She saw me lift up my tail as I squirted out more
My hoomin started to panic so she called her vet tech friend
Ronie said, "Lisa calm down - this isn't the end"

Packed into my pet carrier we went for a ride
I was crunching my teeth and wanting to hide
Ended up at bunny doctor, you all know the place
They probed and they prodded and not near my face

Well they sent me back home that Saturday night
But the adventure wasn't over cause I still wasn't right
A few days later they packed me up once more
I had an operation and my belly was sore

I had a big hole, they used nylon to sew it shut
Did they really think I wouldn't chew at my gut
One big yank and the stitches came out
My hoomin saw me do it and started to pout

Apparently my actions caused my hoomin to fret
So we jumped in the car and went back to the vet
Put me in a box and gave me some gas
At least this time I didn't feel them probing my ass

I awoke to the sight of metal stitches in my tummy
And watched as my hoomin dished out some more money
Back in the car we headed home
To my new private cage so I could live on my own

Wendy my girl well she missed me not
In fact she has turned into a real bitchy snot
She tried to bite me and yank on my hair
We have turned into an unbonded pair

4 rabbits, 4 cages, rotated playtime
Our hoomins are slowly loosing their mind
And right before Christmas, it is not what they crave
But such is the life of a true bunny slave

Cartman


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Matthew Monroe in Richland, WA

Last Modified December 15, 2010